the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
