This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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