Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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