I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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