I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
