Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Sext me about skeletons
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize