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Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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