Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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