Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize