Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
