my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
