I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
