I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
