I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
