the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
