he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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