Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
