I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
