Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize