The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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