New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
