Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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