Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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