I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
This is classic penis vs brain.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
