At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
