Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
