Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
