I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
