This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize