party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
