Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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