I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
