I wannas sexs uuuuu
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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