Yo dont text me then not text me
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
