Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
