You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
