i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
