I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
