Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
