Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
