are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
