True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize