I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
