Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
