so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
