haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
