dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
