I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize