I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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