The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
