11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
actually, I'm a sock model
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
