Porn is love you can see.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
