Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
