Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
