i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
