If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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