singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
