I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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