and you said cock pushups were impossible
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
