coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
