she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
