apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize