If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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