apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The Olympian is in my bed
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
