Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
