I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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