I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
