You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Who died my cat blue again?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
