You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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