it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
