remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
