You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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