do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
