Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
