I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize