if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
