and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
