Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
ttyl tear gas
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize