I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
