she was so not down for the gang bang
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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