I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
