It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
