i think my mom watched the whole time
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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