Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
