by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm at about main and main street
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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