I think I just saw someone hide a body.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
