also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
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