Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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