Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
