Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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