I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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