3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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