Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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