Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
