the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
