party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
are you so shy because you have an std?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
