I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
