the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
