theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize