Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Girls should come with a carfax report
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just got carded by a ten year old.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
