this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
