have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
