Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
