What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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