Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
should my penis look like a turkey
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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