well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
