Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
